What Sunset Sounds Like

Me: What if I don't make any friends? Friend: That's ridiculous! Me: But it's a real concern of mine. What if I can't do it? Friend: You'll be fine. I had that conversation with my friend about 9 years ago. I was packing up, about to move out of the community where I grew up in, and was very afraid. I wasn't confident enough in my ability to make new friends and to my friend this idea was "ridiculous". She was right. I've been through a lot of shit. Things were just not working out and it's during these times when we feel we aren't really good at anything. Pride is at an all time low. Joy is at an all time low. What makes me truly happy? What is my proudest accomplishment? I sat down and really thought about that. What stands out the most? After a long time I finally figured it out. Let me preface this by saying, this "accomplishment" or "ability" is nothing without "serendipity". It is nothing w...

Once there was a child full of happiness and positivity. She grew up. Everything took a turn when all she saw was darkness. Most of her teenage years, she spent most days lying down thinking about nothing. That she was nothing. Waking up in the morning or at night, it didn't matter. Time didn't matter to her. She was just waiting for everything to end, that her life would end. And still, it didn't happen. During high school, she had a decent life. She would hang out with friends, would help others more than herself, would study her hardest, and try her best to impress her family and the people she met. She had one of the brightest smiles that she could give to them. And it seemed like it wasn’t enough. Her smiles were still there, but those smiles didn't compare what she felt inside. Being a teenager wasn't easy. She's been called worthless, a quitter, stupid, dumb, annoying, disappointing, weird, awkward, sensitive, shy, "not good enough...

It was exactly 8:49 AM when I woke up on my birthday. I just wanted to type that as a reminder on my phone just because I woke up feeling happy. Happy 'cause that I'm finally done with all the final projects and exams. Happy that I'm graduating. And happy that today was just a lazy day. No exams, no stress, and no chaotic thoughts going through my mind is one of the best gifts I've given myself on my birthday. I did a lot today. Here's a rundown: Watched this Korean drama called W, watched random Youtube videos, watched Kpop idols being random, lunch, then went back to bed to watch interviews on different Filipino love teams (sorry not sorry), took a nap, took a shower to get ready for dinner, spent the whole night with mom, then went back home lying on the bed typing this exactly at 10:27 PM. What. An. Adventure. Am I right? Okay. Dull post you might say, but I just wanted to write about this day because I want to tell you guys no matter how you spend yo...

To be honest my first draft of this started with “F*CK 2016!”. When I was   thinking about my annual end of the year review back in December, I really had nothing good to say about 2016. It was shittastic, but I couldn’t post that because it would be dismissing all the good things that happened throughout the year. So, I’m not going to write about the doom and gloom, nor am I going to write about happy memories (those are now preserved in my journal for future archaeologists to read). Instead, I want to share with you the (heavy) lessons I have learned from surviving 2016.   Here we go: - Humanize People- This is the only political comment I will allow myself to include here. We as a community  have been divided by our political beliefs. 2016 was a year of “us vs. them” and it broke us. It broke us bad. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that people didn’t remain apathetic to the political climate last year. We were active AF! But we allowed our anger to...

I don’t deal well with the concept with death. You see, I haven't accepted mortality. Serious situations already make me uncomfortable and what is more serious than death? Whenever a friend’s or colleague’s loved one dies, I don’t know what to say. My mom said to sincerely send my condolences, but I never felt that was sufficient. I normally uncomfortably say “I’m sorry to hear that…” and offer them a hug. But I always felt like a fraud. What can I say or do to make it okay? Nothing. The answer is nothing. The fact of the matter is there is nothing I can do or say to make that grieving person feel any better right now. Their loved one is gone. No matter your belief or whatever you think happens after someone dies. No matter your uncertainty or discomfort. You will never see them again. This is a situation I’ve tried to accept and try to brush off. Until a few weeks ago. My lola (translation: grandma) died.  She was 90. I went to her funeral on Thursday, 8 ...

This is a short birthday message: I wish I can say that my sister and I are really close, but we're not. We are completely opposites. We argue more than we have a decent conversation.  But, what I can say is this; I'm proud that she's my sister. She's been there when I was depressed. She understood why I was depressed before. She helps me when I need her. When she gives me advice, it can be harsh at times, but at least she's honest. She's not there for me 24/7, but I know she cares. I still remember the letter you gave me during 2012. That's how I know how much you love me. Muriel, you never failed as being a sister. Just remember that. Thanks for being a confident, cheesy, and wonderful sister. I love you. Happy Birthday, Ate. Photo taken: (01.02.16) One thing we have in common is music and Ate! Do you remember the song, Slow Dance Night by This Century? You said you danced while listening to this at work. Lol. Have fun on your birthday! Aga...

One of the reasons how I got into K-pop is because of f(x); a Korean pop girl group, not a function. Lol. I wouldn't expect to love K-pop music, but I did because of this group. I have a lot of reasons on how K-pop got to me, but that’s another blog post. f(x) debuted on September 5, 2009. Today is their 7 th  anniversary. This group contains five members, Victoria, Amber, Luna, Sulli, and Krystal; now four because Sulli left last year. As a person who just got into K-pop, I didn’t know much about f(x). It was probably by the end of 2015 that I appreciated this girl group more. As I watched their music videos, interviews, fan vids, and their documentaries, I became an official fan of f(x). These girls are unique individuals who trained and worked so hard as a K-pop girl group . They are strong, talented, lovable, and hardworking girls. They are different from the other girl groups that I've watched. f(x)’s music is creative, dynamic, and a little bizarre and it w...