What Sunset Sounds Like

I don’t deal well with the concept with death. You see, I haven't accepted mortality. Serious situations already make me uncomfortable and what is more serious than death? Whenever a friend’s or colleague’s loved one dies, I don’t know what to say. My mom said to sincerely send my condolences, but I never felt that was sufficient. I normally uncomfortably say “I’m sorry to hear that…” and offer them a hug. But I always felt like a fraud. What can I say or do to make it okay? Nothing. The answer is nothing. The fact of the matter is there is nothing I can do or say to make that grieving person feel any better right now. Their loved one is gone. No matter your belief or whatever you think happens after someone dies. No matter your uncertainty or discomfort. You will never see them again. This is a situation I’ve tried to accept and try to brush off. Until a few weeks ago. My lola (translation: grandma) died.  She was 90. I went to her funeral on Thursday, 8

This is a short birthday message: I wish I can say that my sister and I are really close, but we're not. We are completely opposites. We argue more than we have a decent conversation.  But, what I can say is this; I'm proud that she's my sister. She's been there when I was depressed. She understood why I was depressed before. She helps me when I need her. When she gives me advice, it can be harsh at times, but at least she's honest. She's not there for me 24/7, but I know she cares. I still remember the letter you gave me during 2012. That's how I know how much you love me. Muriel, you never failed as being a sister. Just remember that. Thanks for being a confident, cheesy, and wonderful sister. I love you. Happy Birthday, Ate. Photo taken: (01.02.16) One thing we have in common is music and Ate! Do you remember the song, Slow Dance Night by This Century? You said you danced while listening to this at work. Lol. Have fun on your birthday! Aga

One of the reasons how I got into K-pop is because of f(x); a Korean pop girl group, not a function. Lol. I wouldn't expect to love K-pop music, but I did because of this group. I have a lot of reasons on how K-pop got to me, but that’s another blog post. f(x) debuted on September 5, 2009. Today is their 7 th  anniversary. This group contains five members, Victoria, Amber, Luna, Sulli, and Krystal; now four because Sulli left last year. As a person who just got into K-pop, I didn’t know much about f(x). It was probably by the end of 2015 that I appreciated this girl group more. As I watched their music videos, interviews, fan vids, and their documentaries, I became an official fan of f(x). These girls are unique individuals who trained and worked so hard as a K-pop girl group . They are strong, talented, lovable, and hardworking girls. They are different from the other girl groups that I've watched. f(x)’s music is creative, dynamic, and a little bizarre and it wo

21.  Am I really 21!?  Wow. I'm still processing if I'm really 21. Life moves pretty quickly, huh? I always call myself a late bloomer. Being this age right now, it doesn't feel right. Growing up sucks sometimes. More stress, more worries, but with more memories. Memories. That doesn't suck at all when it comes to growing up. It doesn’t mean you have to throw away your childhood memories, you're just making new ones. I get to grow wiser and smarter. Growing up doesn’t mean growing old, it means moving forward on what you're going to be and how you're going to do it by being you.  I've been through a lot the last 21 years of my life. I came home today after school and I broke down. I'm like that. I tend to be dramatic sometimes. It was my birthday with a full schedule of things to do without celebrating my birthday plus my sister's blog post made me cry. Then, I realized, I made this choice to pick myself up and finish what I have to do

Twenty-one years ago, God decided to revoke my "Only Child" Privilege Card and gave me a sister. Everything changed from that point on. Please don't get the wrong idea. Bernice and I weren't close like some other siblings are. I wouldn't even dare to call myself her best friend. With the 5 and half-year age gap, it's difficult to be close. For a majority of my life, I've seen Bernice as my "little" kid sister. I remember fighting with her a lot because we just didn't understand each other. She was the kid who damaged my PlayStation, the kid I had to babysit, the kid I had to help with homework, the kid I had to include in activities with my friends, the kid that needed my parent's undivided attention.  I love her but I also have diary entries that can prove that we fought a lot. My mom would always give me the same lecture after every fight. The lecture usually ends with me getting in trouble because I "should k

I'll tell you a quick story about one of my favorite love songs. The first time I heard this song, I was still in California. My dad was driving his car on the freeway during night time; my mom, my sister, and I were there and we were listening to mom's favorite station, KOST 103.5. Mostly the songs are usually old love songs. While we were on the freeway, the song came on and I knew it was recent 'cause the intro of the song was simply amazing and like no intro you haven't heard before on KOST 103.5. It was that kind of song that you knew it was not an old love song.  Photo taken: (02.25.15) Listening to Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg during that night was calming. I  usually look out at the car window and my life just seems slow; the good kind of slow where you're like time travelling but in slow motion. But with this song and I look out at the car window, I'm just in love how the night is. It was one of my favorite late nigh

2015 was a hell of a roller coaster ride. Was this a good year for me? No.  Did I learn a lot during 2015? Yes. It was the year of letting go. The year of realization. The year of knowing about myself more. Family, friendships, love, and “myself” are four major roles that I learned and experienced a lot during 2015. Family My mom, my dad, and my sister are three individuals that have one thing in common, endurance. They work hard on what they do and they never give up.  And that is what keeps me going. 2015 was the year of disappointing them. Even though they don’t say it, I can feel it. I’ve wasted a lot of time on the computer and not giving shit about what’s going on around me where there are far worse problems out there. My mom recently saw me on the computer like at 4AM and she said, “What are you doing with your life? Control it. Just control it. Stop sleeping at school. Stop being late. Control it.” And it hit me that I am a wreck. I am draining to a world that I don’t