Goodbye 2015
I woke on January 1st 2015 in a hotel room in
Boracay, Philippines. I don’t remember much from that day, but I know I have
hopes for that year. I always do. Little did I know 2015 would be the worst and
most challenging year of my 26 years of life.
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| Going back to work after missing a whole week |
Right about now, you’re thinking “Oh c’mon Muriel. It can’t
be that bad. And if it is, some people have it worse than you. So stop
whining”. To those people, I give you my right middle finger. Here’s the left
one too. Everything is relative and nothing should hinder people to admit to
what they are feeling. My feelings are legit whether you care about it or not.
OK. So I got a little carried away there. Let’s just take a
look back on why 2015 is one of the
worst years of my life.
1.
Health
This year
I found out that I have eczema. For those of you fortunate enough to not know
about this, eczema is a medical condition in which patches of skin become rough
and inflamed, with blisters that cause itching and bleeding, sometimes
resulting from a reaction to irritation (eczematous dermatitis) but more
typically having no obvious external cause. My skin was not only dry and itchy,
but it also started to peel. Peeling as in, "oh look I can see things my skin should be covering".
At one
point this year, I couldn’t even walk because my feet were left, skinless and
raw. I know, it’s gross. Walking was a pain and so was showering. I was in bed
for a very long time. If you know me well, you know that I hate being bored and
helpless. I hated the whole experience. I cried daily and felt really bad for
myself.
My doctor
had me on steroids, which was a temporary fix. After being off steroids for a
while, the eczema would come back again. I’ve never been to the doctor’s office
so many times in my life. Sigh.
Oh top of that, I've gained a lot of weight this year. Being in bed for a long time, depressed, and stress eating really does make you balloon up. So that whole situation on top of the not-so-great skin situation, well let's just say my self esteem took a major hit. I didn't want to go out and when I did have to go out and socialize, I felt so overwhelmed to the point where I just wanted to crawl back to bed.
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| Couldn't walk to see my doctor :( |
*side note: A HUGE thank you to my ever-so-wonderful boyfriend who has been with me through this whole thing. I would not have survived without you and that's no exaggeration.
2.
Finances
Doctor visits cost a lot of money. Since the “insurance”
that I’m on doesn’t cover these visits, I had to pay it out of my own pocket.
This is reason number 1 for my bad financial status. Reason number 2 is much
more ridiculous. I believe in a thing called Retail Therapy. It’s stupid I
know, so save me the lecture. Because of the health demise, the depression,,
the helplessness, I bought things. Then regretted it. Then bought things again.
Oh and another thing that was just ridiculous, I got scammed
about 100 USD this year. Yup. That was the last time I buy concert tickets off
someone online. I’m an idiot. Save your lectures.
3.
Relationships
Well I suck at that too. I took a lot of people for granted.
I wasn’t there for them when they needed me the most and well, I’ve been a pretty
shitty girlfriend, friend, employee, coworker, daughter, and sister. Yup. I hit
the the lousy jackpot. I’ve missed birthdays, conversations, weddings, etc.
because I was so caught up in myself.
4.
To top it all off…
My beloved mobile phone decided to die. We were so close to
the finish line and it just died.
There you go, four reasons why 2015 is the most shittastic
year for yours truly. No. I didn’t sugarcoat it. Why should I? People aren’t
perfect ok? Even if they seem like they have it all together, they don’t. We
all have our issues. This is not just a parade of my life’s highlight reel.
And that's just on a "my life" scale. On a macro scale, hard times were spread out all over the world. Lost, hardships, and a hit in our faith in humanity. We've all seen the dark side of life, but know that I have a strong feeling we're all going to be turn out even better, stronger. *That's for a whole other entry.
Now, I wrote all that not to just report and rant about
2015. I wrote it to make sure, that in 2016 whatever good thing happens to me (and to us as a whole), big
or small, it will be appreciated. It is a reminder that every healthy,
productive, happy day is an accomplishment. Days that I will be happily jotting
down on my journal will be fought for and deserved. Well deserved. I will strive to be
healthier, more financially responsible, better at my relationships with
people, and overall, HAPPIER!
HELLO 2016! I’m so relieved to meet you!
So here we go. Take it away Matchbox Twenty:
So say goodbye, these days are gone
And we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times..
"These Hard Times" by Matchbox Twenty
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